Transgender is never a choice, but an illness which needs to be cured. From my perspective, which I think represent most of trans people, we are a group of people who is born in the wrong gender. For all trans people, we would never say life is fair. From the beginning of our life, the fact that we are trapped in the wrong body is already bad enough. We have to go through the doubts of ourselves, even shame. This is our early life. Since we finally realize what we are and decide to cure this disease by surgery, we have to face the abandon and incomprehension from friends and family, even from our parents and this is very common among us. From then on, our life of isolation and bitterness begins. Friendships or romantic relationships end mostly from the moment when we come out and admit who we are. As a result, we can’t be the person we want to be and do things freely as we want.
This is not the first time I’m humiliated in public, but it is definitely the worst one. My girlfriend and I went to a bar to meet guys. She knows I’m a trans. I am very glad that she didn’t abandon me when she knew this. I thought she was my true friend, so I trust her with my life. After a few beer, we both went high. There’s a cute guy offered me a drink, which made me very happy and I gladly accepted it. She was happy for me too. We all had a very good time that night. At the end of the night, he asked for my phone number, I think I like him also, so I gave it to him.
After that, we constantly message each other and occasionally date. I think he really liked me and I liked him very much. During those days, I often talked with my girlfriend about him and said how I felt about him and so on. One day, we both hang out in a dance club. I once again got invited by a cute guy to dance. I refused him for that I don’t want her to feel that I abandoned her for a strange man. Then we continue to dance. But after a while, the man came to me and asked me again. My girlfriend said I can dance with him. So I agreed. After the dance, I can’t find her in the club anymore. I called her but there’s no answer. I was so depressed for that since her already agreed me to dance with that man, why was she still mad at me?
I went home quickly. Before I sleep, I got a message from the guy I met from the bar with my girlfriend. He questioned me: why you didn’t tell me you are a trans? You are so disgusting. I was so panic. I won’t tell anyone what I am until I want to be in a serious relationship with him. Because I think this is my privacy, which I cherish and won’t easily share with others. I only tell those I trust, for that only those people who deserve my trust will understand me. There’s no need to tell a random guy the most private thing about myself and receive his or her incomprehension and disrespect.
I knew it very clearly that it was my girlfriend who told him that. It gradually came to me that maybe it was because she felt a sense of jealous of me for getting more attention that her. She had no idea how envy I was about her for being who she is from the day she was born and don’t have to go through so much mistreat as me. That’s when it hit me that actually I am lucky for that I went through so much hard time, as a result, every little fortunate in life makes me feel lucky and also saved me from being a green-eyed monster.